LDRs: A Love Connection

By Megan Joiner, 10.25.06

Matt Lane met Kristin Goodin at the University of Georgia during his junior year. But after dating for a year, Lane moved away for work leaving Goodin behind to finish her nursing degree. The couple decided to try a long distance relationship (LDR).

“We probably talk two or three times a day, but sometimes the duration isn’t long. We text every once in a while, and other than that, we just leave goofy Facebook messages or whatever,” Lane said. “I try to go up and see her every other weekend, but she can’t really come down here with her schedule.”

Lane and Goodin are not alone in maintaining an LDR. The transitional lifestyle of people in their twenties, along with the popularity of Internet dating, has led to an increase in long distance relationships in the past decade.

According to Long Distance Relationships.com, almost seven million Americans in the United States consider themselves to be involved in an LDR. The site also says that 25 percent of college students are in an LDR at any given time and 70 percent of graduating college students report having been in a long distance relationship at some point during college. The average couple in a long distance relationship lives about 125 miles apart.

Technological advances such as cell phones with free long distance, text messaging, instant messaging, email and web cameras make it easier than ever for a long distance relationship to last.

“Constant communication and a willingness to devote time to the relationship are important.” said Patrick Allen, also involved in an LDR. “You have to put a lot more time into it, because you’ll be on the phone a lot. We would talk on the phone for two or more hours each day. That’s not including IM’s and texts,” Allen said.

Caroline Tiger, author of “The Long Distance Relationship Guide”, provides several useful ideas for those in long distance relationships. First, she says not to be upset by negative reactions from others.

“They get this gloomy expression and say, ‘Oh, long distance relationships never work,’” Tiger wrote.
“Take a deep breath, smile big and be assured that indeed, they do work, and often.”

Tiger also advises couples to establish ground rules for their relationship at the beginning. Some questions to address are; Is it okay to see another person romantically? How often should the couple communicate? Are there special occasions when the couple must see each other face-to-face? By answering these questions couples can avoid arguments and hurt feelings.

Jeff Cohen, author of “Dating, Inc.,” supports Tiger’s idea and gives the same advice.

“Knowing one another’s day-to-day routines forges intimacy,” Cohen wrote.

Knowing where the other person is at a given time can provide a sense of comfort. Finding time to share a television program or a movie can make a couple feel closer, no matter how many miles are between them.

Cohen suggests several romantic ideas to make a couple feel closer. Mailing each other CDs of love songs, sending handwritten letters or buying a blank jigsaw puzzle, writing a love note on it and mailing it one piece at a time, all foster long distance intimacy.

Another key to making a long distance relationship last, wrote Cohen, is not fighting over small problems. When a couple can only communicate for a limited amount of time each day, they should not waste that time arguing. The couple also needs to accept uncertainties that LDRs bring.

Above all, both members of the couple must learn to trust. Tiger writes that trusting one another is the foundation for a successful long distance relationship.

“There’s no room for possessiveness or jealousy in a long distance relationship,” Tiger said.

Lane agrees, saying the secret to his and Goodin’s successful relationship is a lot of trust and commitment.

“You can’t function separately and not believe the other person is as committed to you as you are to them,” Lane said.