Rev. George Augustus Stallings, left, Archbishop of the African-American Catholic Congregation, in Wash., D.C., and his bride, Japanese pianist Sayomi Kamimoto, sit with Minister Benjamin F. Muhammad, right, formerly known as Ben Chavis, who is the national director of the Million Family March and a former NAACP president, and Mrs. Muhammad, at an interfaith marriage blessing performed by the Rev. Sun Myung Moon.
Unhappily Ever After
By Rosalie M. LoPinto, 11.29.06
When Antonette DiScullio met her husband Don, she was 39 years old. Never married, she was certain she had met the man she was supposed to spend her life with. There was only one problem: Don was Catholic and Antonette was devoutly Protestant.
"It was hard,” DiScullio said.” I knew I was wrong."
Still, despite opposition from some of her family and from her pastor, she was soon married to Don by a justice of the peace.
"It worked out for us, but I wouldn't encourage it for someone else," Discullio said.
Prior to their marriage they agreed to a policy of mutual respect for each other's beliefs, a covenant they both kept.
By all statistics, they are in a minority. The failure rate of all marriages consistently hovers at approximately 50%. Interfaith marriages fair even worse, with a 75% failure
rate according to religioustolerance.org.
Psychcentral.com addresses the feelings of guilt experienced by those who inter-marry. It states,leaving their families and their religious heritage behind places a strain on these marriages. There is less conflict involved for those who do not hold deep religious convictions, especially if one is willing to convert.
Rev. Richard Sfameni, a pastor in Providence, R.I., cites what he calls missionary dating as part of the problem.
"Often, when someone tells me they want to marry someone outside of our faith, they are sure they will be able to convert the other person," Sfameni said. "Unfortunately, in my experience very, very few see that happen."
Sfameni, a Christian, says he will marry people who are of different faiths, but he will not marry someone who is Christian with someone of a different faith.
Rev. Byron Bakalis is also opposed to Christians marrying outside of their faith. In that situation, he says, probably the only exception would be if children were involved. Bakalis believes that if two people have brought children into the world, they should be married if that is what both parties want. As for performing other interfaith marriages, he suggests counseling but has no doctrinal bias against such marriages.
"I would try to plant some good seeds," Bakalis said. "At the same time, if they are both deeply religious, I would try to point out the problems their marriage could present."
Problems like those involving the rearing of children.
In the case of Sonya and Akil (last name withheld), she a Catholic and he a Muslim, the issue of raising children seemed settled. They had both agreed to raise the children in the Islamic faith. Then their first son was born.
"My family, especially my mother, wanted my son to be christened," the Sonya said. To pacify her family, Akil agreed to the christening, but the children are still being raised as Muslims.
Sfameni believes the issue of childrearing is consequential.
"Children who are raised in an interfaith environment can be confused," Sfameni said. "And if friction develops in the home because of the religious conflicts, that certainly is not a healthy environment for the children's development."
