AP Photo/U.S. Navy Photo By Photographer's Mate 2nd Class Jim Vidrine
The U.S. Navy Ticonderoga class guided missile cruiser USS San Jacinto (CG 56) makes her way southward through the Suez Canal Saturday,March 16, 1996. The San Jacinto is accompanying the nuclear powered aircraft carrier USS George Washington (CVN 73) to the Persian Gulf, where they will support UN sanctions against Iraq, under Operation Southern Watch.
Family Looks Beyond
Christmas for Celebration
By Necie Green, 12.08.05
When there’s a U.S. military presence felt anywhere around the world, chances are it originated from Hampton Roads.
The USS San Jacinto (CG-56) departed Norfolk for Iraq in September, leaving Kristin Barbee to raise three children alone. Her husband, Chief Petty Officer Darwin Barbee, Sr., was one of nearly 400 sailors on board the cruiser when it set sail.
A former member of the U.S. Navy, Barbee knows that the job of serving the country always comes first. The 33-year-old has learned to make the best out of her current situation.
“Military life has its ups and downs [but] overall, it’s a blessing,” Barbee said.
Out of four deployments in his career, this is the first time that Barbee’s husband has been away for both Thanksgiving and Christmas.
“It’s the first Christmas we’ve been apart,” she said. This is remarkable when you consider they’ve been married for 11 years.
Thankfully, he’s had the opportunity to call and send e-mails daily since he deployed.
“I told him to stop because he is going to spoil me,” she said.
After three months, their children, Taylor, Darwin, Jr. and Skyland have started to adjust.
“They have a worse time when they find out he has to leave,” Barbee said referring to the initial shock. She explained that they get used to the situation as time passes.
The roles within this close-knit family begin to shift with the man of the house away. Taylor takes on mothering characteristics and is a big help to Barbee. Skyland, the daddy’s girl, pushes the buttons and stretches her limits. And Darwin, Jr. tries to hide his emotions but his mother knows that he misses his dad, the football coach.
Barbee is aware that her job is to keep the home-front in tact while her husband is away.
“I have to be Superwoman,” she said. “I have to do this. I can’t let him or the kids down. I have to keep his stress level down because if he worries, he can’t get his work done.”
She accepts that her husband’s mission is to carry out orders, but that does not make it any easier for her to deal with.
As a clinical psychology doctoral student, Barbee knows the importance of counseling and having someone to talk with. She attends therapy sessions once every two weeks. Her therapist suggested that she and her husband make up games to play, to ease the pain of separation.
One of the games she enjoys playing is e-mailing 10 questions about her that he should know the answers. The next day, he answers the questions and sends her 10 questions about him. She sends care packages of Skittles and CDs so they can share their favorite candy together and songs when he calls.
Barbee deals with the absence of her husband while assisting others going through the same experience. In June 2005 she took the position of Ombudsman, or family liaison for military spouses. She mainly handles financial and domestic issues involving family members of the USS San Jacinto crew. She explained that these types of issues typically occur during deployments.
To pass time during the six months she exercises, praise dances, and keeps a journal. But all of her extra-curricular activities can not distract her from his absences during the holidays. She has no plans to exchange Christmas presents or travel to visit family.
Barbee’s schedule for Christmas day includes cooking a big dinner and renting movies. She plans to eat lots of food with her children and their friends.
“I don’t go anywhere if it’s a major holiday. It makes me sad,” Barbee said.
Barbee remains optimistic that her husband will return as scheduled in March 2006. She’s saving her celebration this holiday for that special day when he returns. For now, she’s content spending quality time with their children.
