U.N. Discourages Smoking and Genocide
By Mike Ptomey, 10.22.04

The United Nations building stands on the edge of Manhattan. It is a beacon of hope and diplomacy. Within the walls of this famed organization, leaders from all over the world come together with the purpose of peace.

I had the awesome opportunity to go behind the scenes at the United Nations. I saw a U.N. that many people never see—and may not want to see.

When I first arrived at the U.N., the press assistance team greeted me; they were kind and friendly. They took my coat and gave me a temporary ID card. But I saw my name was spelled incorrectly. Sure, Ptomey may be a difficult name to spell, but it’s the U.N.—they should be able to complete this simple task.

Was the U.N. trying to set me up? Was I a threat to this organization? I wasn’t sure so I was on the look, I had the feeling that anything could happen.

Then, the press liaison escorted me to the Security Council chambers. The second I walked in the door, I smelled power and smoke. I thought my nose was mistaken. They wouldn’t allow smoking in the U.N. Security Council chambers. Would they? I turned to notice a placard on the wall. It read, “Smoking Discouraged.”

Then it all made perfect sense—the U.N. cannot tell anyone what to do, they can’t even tell people not to smoke in the U.N. building. They can strongly suggest that people don’t smoke, they can talk to people about the dangers of smoking, but at the end of the day they have no right to enforce it.

I asked the press liaison about the sign. She told me they had convinced everyone to agree not to smoke, except the Russian representative. He wouldn’t adhere to the U.N.’s request.

I found this piece of information fascinating. If the U.N. cannot get everyone to agree not to smoke in their own building, how are they going to convince people to stop killing one another in Sudan and other regions gripped by violence? Similar to the “Smoking Discouraged” sign that resides on the wall of the Security Council, the “Genocide Discouraged” sign the U.N. holds up to the world is just not enough.

All it takes is one person to keep smoking to ruin it for the rest of the representatives in the Security Council. And all it takes is one group to keep committing genocide to ruin it for the rest of the people on earth.

After I saw the Security Council chambers, I was ushered through the other grand facilities at the U.N. It had the feel of an airport terminal, plenty of space, but no substance.

I witnessed a U.N. press debriefing on the heroin trade in Central Asia. The U.N. was implicating a program to reduce the drug trade in a region known as “the golden triangle.” The reports were positive. According the U.N. official in charge of the project, the U.N. curtailed the heroin trade in the region by a significant amount.

I was pleased by the news. Maybe the U.N. can make the world a better place. Maybe the U.N. can create solutions to the world’s problems.

Then, I descended an escalator down to the U.N. cafeteria. Let’s just say my hope was cut short as I saw the scene before me.

When I walked into the cafeteria I had no idea what was going on; it was utter chaos. People were pushing and shoving. If I stopped for a minute, I knew I would be run over by someone who was trying to get a cup of yogurt before the supply ran out.

It was similar to a U.N. food drop in a third world country, masses of people pressing towards a limited amount of food. Diplomacy was overtaken by self-preservation. I tried to get a food tray, but in the process a man plowed into me and yelled, “All I want is chicken curry.” The impact knocked me against the wall. As I bent down to pick it back up, I was trampled by a group of diplomats from a Central African Republic.

At this point I made a decision. I was done with the U.N. I was going to eat lunch somewhere else—somewhere I could get my food and not worry about being crushed by world diplomats.

I was going down the street to the food court at Grand Central Station. There I would be able to choose at a leisurely pace all the delicacies afforded by capitalism.

I learned much from my trip to the United Nations.

I learned that if they can’t enforce a “No Smoking” policy, why should I expect them to enforce anything else? I also learned that when there is a limited amount of resources and too many people, diplomacy is thrown out the window and human nature takes over.

This can take place in a famished third world country or during lunch time in the U.N. cafeteria.

I was happy to step out of the confines of the U.N. I felt much safer in the streets of New York City.